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"He loves me, he loves me not….he loves me"

This is a piece I did for my thesis and zine, titled Love Thy Self. It is a series of sketches for my body-positive zine and this is the centerfold. It was not meant to be a portrait of my boyfriend and I but I realized when I was finished sketching it, that it was us. I am very proud of this. Not because it’s the best drawing or painting that I’ve done, but it made me realize something that I didn’t know I was repressing. My boyfriend is thin and athletic and I’m the complete opposite. When we first starting dating, I was in constant fear that he would be grossed out by my body and dump me. I dreaded the day when and if he would ever see me without clothes on. I figured he would really be disgusted by me then. But he wasn’t and he isn’t. I find that even now that we are an official couple, I still fear that he doesn’t like the way I look. I know he does or else he wouldn’t be with me. I know he loves me for who I am and how I look. He has inspired me to create, work hard, and live life with no regrets. That’s something I’m working on, but being with him makes life so much better.

Sorry for the lengthy details. Here’s the official statement for the painting for when I was going to submit it to an upcoming show at school:

"For a long time, most of my life, I’ve been insecure about my weight. So I decided that for my thesis, I would do a body-positive theme. It is not only therapeutic for me, but I hope it is for others as well. This piece is part of my thesis and was inspired by my boyfriend. When we first started to date, I was always nervous that he would dump me because of my weight. I was nervous because he’s thin and athletic and I’m the complete opposite. I know that he doesn’t care about that and I know he think I’m beautiful but even to this day I still get scared. This piece was not meant to be a portrait of he and I but when I finished the sketch I realized that this was one of the first moments when I knew my weight didn’t matter to him. It was just a simple thing but it had an impact. He loves me and I couldn’t be happier. He inspires me and my work always has a bit of him in it. When I doubt myself and the way I look, he helps me through it.

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